August 30, 2011

The Pop Group - For How Much Longer Do We Tolerate Mass Murder? (Rough Trade, 1980)

The Pop Group - For How Much Longer Do We Tolerate Mass Murder?
Murderous thugs? We record LP to halt 'em. Power of gramophone!

For How Much Longer Do We Tolerate

Notes
  1. Our willingness to tolerate mass murder hasn't exactly ebbed in the 30 years since this album came out. The band has accordingly reunited, in hopes of administering yet another rhetorical coup de grâce to the Exploiter Class: "There was a lot left undone....Let's face it, things are probably even MORE fucked now than they were in the early 80's...and WE are even more fucked off!" Sic semper tyrannis!

August 28, 2011

August 25, 2011

August 24, 2011

Fiona Apple - When the Pawn... (Work Records, 1999)

Fiona Apple - When the Pawn Hits the Conflicts He Thinks Like a King What He Knows Throws the Blows When He Goes to the Fight and He'll Win the Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters the Ring There's No Body to Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand and Remember That Depth Is the Greatest of Heights and If You Know Where You Stand, Then You Know Where to Land and If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right

Wow.

How fucking dumb would you need to be to write such a long, mawkish, shallow album title? If you seek the world record for length, why not put some thought into the effort, instead of getting high on hash oil — hookah on bed — and writing down any frothy tween-angst horseshit that wanders into your empty skull?

Frankly, honey, we'd rather hear nineteen elephants shit together, in unison, than listen to thy weak, wheezy poetry.

Heh heh heh.

Oh, wow.

When the Pawn

Notes
  1. "The world record for length": From 2001 to 2007, the Guinness Book of Records listed When the Pawn... as the world's longest album title. 
  2. The word on the street is, Ms. Apple composed this title after reading some unflattering remarks about her work in Spin. God willing, this dour anagram will be equally inspirational, and thus redeem itself. Either way, this seems like a good time to remind readers of our Disclaimer.

August 20, 2011

Rapeman - Two Nuns and a Pack Mule (Touch and Go, 1988)

Rapeman - Two Nuns and a Pack Mule
Rank name! Women can't applaud us.

Two Nuns & A Pack Mule

Notes
  1. According to Wikipedia, "Rapeman's performances would often be the target of protesters, who felt that the band was mocking or even encouraging rape and violence against women."

August 18, 2011

Nurse With Wound - Chance Meeting on a Dissecting Table of a Sewing Machine and an Umbrella (United Dairies, 1979)

Nurse With Wound - Chance Meeting on a Dissecting Table of a Sewing Machine and an Umbrella
A chic English noise band's inane debut, named for Lautréamont. [wincing] Ew, what a glum scene!

Chance Meeting on a Dissecting Table of a Sewing Machine and an Umbrella

Notes
  1. The title of this album comes from the sixth canto of the Comte de Lautréamont's Les Chants de Maldoror. Originally hailed by the Surrealists, this line has since become a handy catchphrase for avant-gardists who'd rather evoke the inexhaustible power of the poetic imagination than demonstrate it. 
  2. Alternative anagram: Inane English noise band's unwarranted debut. "We now augment a malign catechism of cliché!"

August 16, 2011

Michael Jackson - Michael Jackson's This Is It (Epic, 2009)

Michael Jackson - Michael Jackson's This Is It
Jacko's in Hell, so it's hijack/cash-in scam time!

This Is It

Notes
  1. In a 2009 review for the Independent, Andy Gill wrote, "Who, exactly, stands to gain from this? Not the fans, that's for sure. In the four months since [Michael Jackson's] death, Sony and Motown/Universal between them have issued no fewer than five posthumous album packages: The Collection, Hello World, The Stripped Mixes, The Remix Suite, and now This Is It. That's a busy promotion schedule for a dead man."